Tag: parenting

Process of Letting Go

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When it comes to my kids, I hate this phrase.  What do you mean the process of letting go?!  These are children that I have carried in my womb for 9 months and I wanted to surround them with a mountain of bubble wrap to protect them from the outside world since they emerged to grace this earth with their presence.  To protect them from a fall or a broken heart is my job as their mom.  I am the hero that will save them!  

But the truth is, although I physically gave birth to each one of my children, they were never mine to begin with.  My husband and I are entrusted by God to help raise them. The truth is, that they are His.  The truth is, that I am not in control and cannot protect them from everything. Ironically, if I try to protect them from too much and not allow them to make mistakes in the safety of my home, then I might be setting them up for bigger falls when they leave the nest.  

So, I begin my journey to let go when they are young.  This is not an easy feat because I am a bit of a control freak by nature, the type of person who actually thinks that they have some control.  I have to fight this part of my personality and align with God’s intention in my parenting.  Yes, I am supposed to watch out for my children, give them wisdom as they grow and discipline when the need arises, but I am also supposed to let them make mistakes, let them fall and then pick them up.  

By nature, I am not what you would call “a nostalgic personality”.  I
don’t cry easily; even at funerals my eyes are dry and birthdays don’t
typically affect me in an emotional way.
But on the morning of my oldest son’s 18th birthday, I felt an immediate
panic and sadness that caught me off guard. I was surprised at the
intensity of emotion that came flooding over me. Had I prepared him
enough for life outside our home? Would he make good decisions? Would he be safe? Could he be successful in life due to the education I had given him?

I sat in my bed and my thoughts left me face to face with all of my
past mistakes; all the memories of each time I had failed as a mom. I
had to confront the reflection of my own inadequacy, and the decisions
I had made as a homeschool parent.
As I sat there, all I wanted was to go back and start over at the
beginning. If I had a time machine, I could go back and do it better.

I would raise my voice less.

I would hug that baby more often.

I would have lived “in the moment” with him- instead of worrying about
his future.

If I could go back, I would let go more.

Parents on the other side with grown children and more experience than me have related phrases such as “time flies” and “cherish the time that you have with your kids.”  I always had a bit of a dismissive attitude when I would hear them say this.  My unbelief was rooted in the amount of young babies I had at the time and the amount of diapers I was changing.  In my mind, in those moments of my life, this was not a quick process, but a Mt. Everest situation where I could not see the end in sight.  This definitely is not going to feel quick!  But you know what?  They were right.  Just a couple of months ago my oldest turned 18 and time did fly. I want to go back.  I can’t.  I’m learning to let go.  

Rule of Six

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You have this amazing plan in your mind on how each day is going to go for your homeschool.  Kids are eager to learn, the housework is getting done and dinner will, indeed, be served on time.  I probably do not have to tell you that things don’t always look like what we imagine in our minds. My ideals of a perfect homeschool day rarely become a reality.  I sometimes struggle with the question on whether I am doing enough or are we really covering the things that we need to do?  Every summer, I am in this reflective mode of evaluating how our homeschool year went.  Would I change anything?  What do I want to do different this year? Is it time to look at hiring someone that could do a better job than me? Okay, maybe I don’t want to someone else teaching my kids but in the moments of failure, it is a fleeting thought.

A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of taking a class online that was about bringing focus and alignment to your year. I actually try to take this class every summer before my homeschool year starts.  I have always known that I wanted to homeschool my kids and that we would homeschool them all the way through highschool.  I felt like God has called me to homeschool and that it was the best education I could give to my children. This helped greatly when I wanted to quit. When I had those random thought of how my kiddos might have a better education without me.  

I knew that I was supposed to continue on my journey of homeschooling despite trials that we might have walked through in our lives.  But what I loved about this class was that it brought words to the calling that I felt about homeschooling.  It also brought clarity to what I knew was the most important things to focus on.  I was able to put into words what I wanted my kiddos to leave with when they graduated from our homeschool.

This class was given by Sarah Mackenzie from ReadAloudRevival.com.  The class is called “Focus and Align”. It is part of her membership classes.  Sarah Mackenzie is a homeschool mom of six who is a great encouragement to homeschool community.  She has “Master Classes” that help equip homeschoolers with more tools for their journey.  If you get a chance to take one of her classes, I would encourage you to do it.  I have homeschooled for over 11 years and her class blessed my homeschool world.  She also wrote a book called “Teaching from a State of Rest”.  I think every parent should read this book.  She gave words to what I had been feeling for the last couple of years.  God desires to have us teach from rest and to not leave the unshakeable peace that he has for us.  Definitely worth your time to read this book.

In the “Focus and Align” Class, Sarah talks about having a “Rule of Six”. This is simply a list of six top things that you want your kids to come away with once they leave the nest. When I listed my six things, I was surprised to find that none of them had much to do with being at the top, academically. Although, I do believe, the by-product of following my “Rule of Six” will result in higher academics. Each family is different, so what is important to my family and our homeschool might not be what another family values. The point of focusing on what my goals in homeschooling are wasn’t to align with everybody else, but it was to bring focus to what I really wanted to teach my children and what I wanted them to walk away with.

Here is My “Rule of Six”:

My Rule of Six

Now, does this mean that I don’t value higher academics? Of course not! I have a daughter on the journey of pursuing medical school and in that process, she has to learn high levels of math and science. I have another child that at 16 years of age has started his own marketing company and is working on being successful in his own business. My kiddos are in love with speech and debate and compete at national levels.

My “Rule of Six” is the focus I want to have and out of those pursuits, I will see my children explore higher academics. For example, my daughter is in love with science. She is chasing wonder as she explores the microscopic world. My son is seeking deeper understanding as he learns to run his own business. I will admit I am a little bit of a control freak so the realization of what I truly wanted my focus to be in my homeschool spoke freedom. I didn’t need to stress about whether I was teaching my children enough or whether I was checking off all my boxes. I just needed to guide my children in their pursuit of their own love of learning.

So, when my house is in disarray or my kids only know the language of being obstinate, I think of my “Rule of Six”. Honestly, some days in our homeschool are more character building days then getting academics done. Other days, the only thing I did was read a story to my kids among the chaos, but I learning to recognize that this is okay! Those are the days that stretch me and I learn to let go. This journey of homeschooling is not a sprint but a marathon. This is a brief season in my life where I have been given the opportunity to live life, love and teach my 5 children. I am learning to enjoy and embrace the process. It’s a gift and its so worth it!

Resources:

Master Class: ReadAloudRevival.com- Sarah Mackenzie-Focus and Align and Focus and Align 2.0